Dear Relationship Boy

Okay usually it takes me at least a week to write a blog but since I had no one to call and relay this absurdity to I had to take it to the pen. This blog is dedicated to the relationship guys and girls and actually a warning for those who come into contact with them. As I rode the train home I almost felt like Franny the Big Bad wolf but really I was only just being real to myself. The relationship boy is comparable to the recruit that hasn't been signed yet but has already made himself apart of the locker room huddle. They make one visit and then all of a sudden they are wearing UCLA colors and changing their profile picture to themselves in front of bear. Like chill.... we ain't on the same team yet.



1. He Tells You His Wedding Colors on the First Date vs. The Recruit That Picked His Number
I worked in recruiting for a couple of years and more than anything I hated the recruit that would watch the football game and tell me what they would do if they were in the game. Or the recruits that sit and tell me how they would wear their gear. Same with relationship boy: Now call me crazy but first dates are suppose to be fun and carefree... there should be no expectations except that of fun. Beware of those who try and get serious with you before they get to know you. And don't be tricked by his game... He isn't really gonna marry you but relationship boys know what they think girls wanna hear. If a boy hits you with the "My wedding is gonna look like this" hit him with the "Do you know when Trey Songz mixtape is coming out" Lol. I didn't do that I think I just smiled and nodded but I for sure didn't engage in that bullshit. Just like the recruit that hasn't even been offered yet the relationship boy is jumping clearly jumping the gun here.

2. Holding Hands on the First Date vs. The Recruit Who Thinks He's The Life of the Party
I'm not sure if any of you have met recruits at parties but there is nothing worse than a hs recruit that comes to a college party and acts like he is THE MAN. Like you're doing to much on your first college party. Same with holding hands on the first date(Or any date). Now I will admit a lot of my guy friends have complained that I act like a boy when it comes to certain things like holding hands... I will outright tell anyone I feel like I'm on a leash but imagine the boy who you just met asks to hold your hand on the first date. Like I'm thinking "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME" like why are you holding my hand. We just met! I mean really he's tryna hurry and fill in his last relationship as quickly as he can the next date ya'll will be on picnics in the beach. Smh don't fall for it.

3. The 2nd Date is a Surprised Double Date vs. The Surprise Recruit
Now I actually really enjoy surprises... However I do NOT like investing in peoples friends and family unless I like more about them than a free meal. If a guy tries to have you all up with his friends before he even knows that you're a good enough girl to bring around then he's just doing what he's accustomed to. He doesn't really like you he likes relationships and is doing what is in the book. He doesn't like you he likes the idea of you. (Yes this boy really did have me show up to a dinner for four with steak and wine smh). Compare this to the recruit pops up to parties on wednesday after wins celebrating as if he played or the recruit that if you look really closely is at your away game with her parents with the school gear on... surprise surprise!

I can't say that all jackass or annoying recruits turn into jackass annoying athletes... however a lot do.... and I can say that all relationship boys turn into tired boring boyfriends. They aren't with you because they are so into you- they are with you because that's what they do. They can't stand being alone and they only know how to be with someone else. I asked the relationship boy after he did this that and the third for me after only one date what he'd be doing on this particular night if he weren't helping me.... he said he didn't know. You know why... its because he doesn't have a life outside a relationship! Smh loser.


always&forever

You Are Not Better Than Yourself

Recently I talked to my best friend about my pet peeve with people thinking that they are better than their own lives. I think the only way for you to understand the point I am trying to make are real life experiences and I promise I couldn't make this up if I tried.

1. Elevator Attendant at the Club
Recently I was on the elevator of a popular club and me and my friend got on to ride it when we noticed an opened lipgloss on the floor. Of course we told the attendant because we wouldn't want someone to step on it and it shoot out or they slip sue the club. The attendants response (in a friendly manner): "Man fuck that lipgloss I ain't even trippin on this job, this my little side job people better just watch they step, shit." My response: Blank stare

2. Waiter at the restaurant
Usually I go to restaurants and when I have no clue what I should order I always ask the waiter they prefer or what they think I could get. Last week (again I couldn't make this up) the waiter said: "Aww I would say the salmon but the way I make it at home is way better. I be tryna tell people I'm about to open my own restaurant." My response: "I feel you"

3. Girl That Lives in LA
My friend asked a girl what clubs were popping on Monday nights in Hollywood. Her response: "I only really go to exclusive vip parties and so those parties aren't open on Mondays but try Playhouse or Kress." -_- My thoughts: B*&)^ just say Playhouse or Kress

4. Publicist Trying to get Hired
After a successful event a friend wanted to meet up with a potential publicist to talk over partnering so he asked the potential publicist (who has been begging to get hired) what days work for him. His response: "Any day just not Friday through Sunday because I got A LOT of big parties that weekend so I'm gonna be all booked up those days." Why not just say anytime after Sunday?

5. Guy Passing out Flyers
Recently I was walking down the street in BK and of course someone sell something. It happened to be a jewelry store and I needed to get my ring cleaned so I asked did they clean jewelry. His response: "To be honest I don't even be in there worried about what they do I just be tryna get this record deal I got going, I just got this job so my moms could quit trippin." My response: "Oh okay but so do they clean jewelry though?"

Now I truly believe in the upward mobility and knowing your worth in life and when you can do more. However, I also believe that a persons ambitions should not exceed their talents and it is not okay for people to think that they are better than the situations that they have made for themselves. You are who you are. If you don't like it, of course you can change it but do not downplay the reality of things.

always&forever

To Pay Or Not To Pay?

Recently two guys that were visiting from out of town invited a friend and me on a date to the movies. I arrived a little earlier than everyone else so I stood outside waiting, proud that I was actually on time. To my surprise when the guy who had originally asked me on the date approached me with his friend he asked the question that no girl wants to hear: “Did you buy your ticket already?”

Now, although my friend-who and me was just as shocked as I about paying- ended up paying for our movie tickets, neither of us thinks that we should have. Honestly, this should never happen to any girl that is asked on a date, however, in case it does, I have some helpful hints that should navigate this awkward situation.

1. Embrace CP Time

Yes, I said it: Do NOT come on time to any date. This pertains mostly to people that live on the east coast and are taking the transit system to meet your date but it can also occur if you’re driving to meet your date. Me and my friend agreed that by me standing their waiting for him, it gave him the open door to ask me if I already bought my ticket when really I should have come walking up my usually 10 minutes late and asked him did he buy OUR tickets already or hit him with the “hey I’m running late so just get our tickets” text.

2. Make It A Girls Night Out

If you have been dying to see the movie as I had been, then pay the $13 and watch the movie with your girl and pretend it is a girl’s night out. Don’t sweat the $13 because believe me it will come back faster to you than you will expect. And talk to your girl the whole time as though you have no care in the world.

3. Don’t Lie To Kick It

Now, fortunately for the trifling guy that invited me, I actually wanted to see the movie so I just bought the movie ticket. However, if I did not want to see the movie, or had I not had the money, I would NOT have seen the movie. Looking back on it, the main reason that I paid for the movie ticket was because of my pride: I didn’t want to look cheap however why care about what you look like to two boys who invite you on a date and didn’t pay anyway. Excuse my French but Fuck what he thinks of you.

4. Play The Silent Treatment Game

It may be childish but it honestly will make you feel better. As soon as your “date” attempts to ask you a question or flirt think back to his “did you buy your ticket” moment and I promise you want have anything to say back. And whenever he does have something funny or clever to say relay it to your girlfriend who you are really having a GNO with anyway.

5. Do NOT Leave Your Date For His Friend

After I complete ignored my “date” I decided that my friends date would be both of our date. And this was not because I liked him or anything but it was simple to show my date how great a catch I am and how much fun I am. But after looking back on it this was just cruel for two reasons: 1. It messes up any potential connection that could be made between your friend- despite the fact that he didn’t pay for her either- and 2. The silent treatment is simple enough to get even with your date. Befriending his friend is overkill…. in the words of Kevin Hart “Know Your Cap” ladies.

6. Chuck It Up As A Loss

This rule is arguable the most important. Just because you meet one cheap skate that does not believe in chivalry don’t let it negatively affect your next date. Just go a few minutes late to the next date (which should come naturally for most) and beat him to punch like el cheapo did.

As women seeking to be independent our pride gets in the way and we get caught in these silly situations where expecting chivalry and being independent becomes unclear. However, unless agreed upon or unless you initiate the date, if you get hit with the “Did you buy your ticket already?” you have my permission to walk away without saying a word.

Realizing You Are Not The Kobe of The Friendship

I really shouldn't be writing this blog seeing to it that I have not one, but two very important finals tomorrow. However, when you have the moment like I did yesterday when you realize that you were the side BEST FRIEND, it's quite hard to continue on in daily routines. It's quite common that people make their roles in a friendship more important than is actually the reality. It's similar to the way in which role players on athletic teams get caught up thinking that they are the star player. This blog seeks to help side best friends and non-Franchise players realize their role on the team, and the options that they have after a result of their realization.



1. The Nickname
If you don't have a nickname like "bestie," "best friend" or some other special terms of endearment that is only between you two, then that means you are really not the best friend. Most of, if not all Franchise players contain unique nicknames that the "rebound guy" just doesn't get: Black Mamba, A I, Steve Franchise, The Diesel, MJ, Bron Bron, Leezy the Hitman, CP3 to name a few. The side best friends don't get enough thought put into them to have nicknames and I hate to drag Luke Walton through the dirt in my blogs because I have no problem with him, but once again the Luke Walton's of the world do not have nicknames.

2. Getting the Ball In Clutch
I don't know about you, but I adore the moments when my best friends come to me with emergencies -needing me to save the day. If you are never the "go to" person in you're supposed best friends life, than the truth is you are not the main best friend (you are the side friend who gets the left over story after the real best friend already saved the day). Same goes in sports with star players. If you are not given the ball when down by 2 with 10 seconds on the game clock you are not the star player. And if you refer to my blog a few weeks ago being written in as the person who "puts back" Kobe's 3-pointer then that definitely does not count as star player material.

3. Put On A Pedal stool
One of the secret truths about best friends is that we find something in them that we absolutely admire and adore uniquely enough to add the "best" in front of friend. So if your best friend doesn't think that you are one of the top 5 coolest people of all time then you ARE NOT THE BEST FRIEND. He or she might not outright say it, but you know that your best friend thinks you are the coolest of the cool for whatever stunt you did in 4th grade or your ability to keep a room full of people entertained or whatever. If you don't feel that confidence with your best friendship then you wanna know why... its because you aren't the best friend. This is obvious with star players... I mean Kobe can stay in the gym and take some shots extra shots up and people report on it like he is the first person to ever have done such a thing.

4. On the Flip, They Are Your Biggest Critic
If your best friend doesn't have you fucked up at least once a month then guess what.... it ain't ya best friend. A part of being on that pedal stool is that your best friend expects the world from you and as soon as you seem like you're slipping you're best friend is there to catch you but also let you know you're tripping. If you think back and you're best friend has never checked you about a statement you made, outfit you wore, boy/girl you almost dated, or stupid mistake you made then its for sure because you are not the main best friend but in addition to that its because that person is too busy doing all these things with his/her main best friend. Same with non star athletes. Do you think Doc Rivers really cares if Avery Bradley understood the new play? Exactly... Avery who?

5. The World Can Vouch
This might seem a bit cliche but the main best friend knows that he or she is the main best friend because no matter where he/she goes people are constantly reminding you of you're best friendship. As the side best friend you get some acknowledgment of course, its like being a part of a crew. Yes on occasion people are gonna ask Beyonce if she seen Kelly recently, but it's like no matter what someone is going to ask her where her best friend/lover Jay is. The same as if the Lakers are making a public appearance somewhere... people wanna know if Kobe is coming. Side best friends, if you're best friend is out and no one is asking about you then you are not the main best friend. Vice verse if you are out and the whereabouts of your best friend never come up its because you need to find a real best friend.

So Who Are You?
Now being a best friend is tricky because you can have these different entities and still end up as the side best friend. That happened to me. It's like being Ray Allen: You may get asked about all the time whenever the team steps out, have the whole nickname thing going (Jesus Shuttlesworth, Ray Ray) , get the ball in clutch on any given night, and get favored and criticized by a huge fan base but at the end of the day Ray Allen knows that if there is only one jersey and both he and Pierce forgot theirs at home.... guess what Ray Ray... you gotta sit this one out. It's a cold world because on other teams in the past and even today Ray Ray is in fact the main player. Just as some side best friends can for sure be the Kobe Bryants of other friendships, however the day when you find out that you are the Luke Walton or the Ray Allen of the team ( and don't get it confused because being Ray Allen is a worlds better than being Luke but when you think you are the Micheal Jordan) it is a really hurtful day.

Your Next Step
Now if you are on a team like the Celtics and you kinda already did the whole star player/main best friend thing then being the Ray Allen next to a Paul Pierce is not that bad. However, if you feel like a Ray Allen but after reading this blog you now know you are getting the Luke Walton treatment I'd say take advantage of your free agency and find a team that appreciates you. However, if you are Luke Walton, putting up Luke Walton numbers, just be happy that you get to be around players like Kobe Bryant and hey at least you get a front row seat to the finals every year.

Things That Make Me Happy 101

Usually my blogs are funny, but in light of finals week and lots of studying I though I'd do a fun blog that could guide me during this rough next couple of weeks on what makes me happy. I encourage everyone to do the same. Also this is a helpful tool for all the people in my life that want to make me happy. If you follow this guide I think you'll be successful. Especially you! You know who you are=)

1. When people offer me some of their food -TWICE.
My dad was really strict about me eating other peoples food as a little kid because of whatever reasons so it has been instilled in me to say "No" the first time around. However, I usually really wanna try it so when people offer me again, idk why but I get extremely happy. I might still say no but I appreciate the second offer. This applies to other things as well.

2. Terms of Endearment
This should not be limited to that special guy in your life. I absolutely love when my girlfriends say things like "sweetie" or "love" in fact I call most of my best friends "baby girl" on a regular. Its something about it that just makes me feel super loved. For guys that I don't like "like that", or that I'm not super close to its sort of a fine line however I've witnessed it done right so it can either be really weird (and I'm good about making sort-of awkward things VERY awkward) or it can be something that's just really nice and funny. For guys I really like there is no limit to the happiness that a single "Hey baby" text every now and then will lead to.

3. When people take it to the next level before I can
Sorry, I was always the kid that took it there when it didn't need to be taken there. For instance, one of my teachers said the N word to show a point to the class so of course I had to go to the principals office and get everyone's favorite teacher fired. -_- I did not know I was "taking it there" I usually think I'm acting accordingly. Therefore I love being around people that always take it to that next level in laughter, love, stories etc. Usually what we refer to now as "extra" but I love when people are passionate about things and take it up a notch... and since its usually me I get so happy when someone does it first!

4. Starburst & Skittles
No matter what is going on in my life I will not turn down a starburst or a handful of skittles=)

5. When people tell me random reasons they were thinking of me
Call me vain but I love when people think of me for any sort of reason. Even when stories start out as "Tell me why this one annoying girl reminded me of you" or "I broke my wristband and as soon as it happened I thought of you" I still appreciate that I was thought about. And yes I have heard a story like these: to the girls defense what she did was not really that annoying and the wristband was getting worn too much so it was bound to break sooner or later.

6. Organized Fun
I am the kid that likes to organize the fun. Any of my friends that have spent countless hours with me know that after a while I will make the random stuff we are doing into an activity. When people succumb to this I get extremely happy. Its the teacher in me. So if I try and do timed study breaks, or "lets see how long this takes", and "Oh bet if we tried it like this" know that these are all apart of my organized fun. =) Some of my friends hate this but if you play along with me once in a while I'll be forever grateful!

7. Calling me Big Booty Franny
Okay this nickname is fairly new but ANY of my friends that know me know how much I love how big my booty is. By telling me any compliment associated with it I will smile enormously and then "drop it like its hot" to "show you what I'm working with!" (did you catch the meta-narrative?)

Okay this is all I can think of now but I will be sure to update this list all week for those of you who want to make me happy or just laugh, or both! And friends please don't contact me saying..."you always do this..." because duh... these are the things that make me happy!

always&forever

Dear Rebound Guy

I think everyone can attest to the frustration that occurs when your "rebound guy/girl" starts acting like they are more than they are. Don't get me wrong; a rebound guy/girl can certainly be moved into the starting lineup, however, the possibility of that is very rare. Below I have shared a little helpful insight on the How-To act as the rebound guy/girl. And no one should feel salty because everyone will be someones rebound at some moment in time. Please refer back to this blog whenever that is you!

Purpose
I think what's most important is that you understand your role on the team. Let's go with a scenario: Tied game, I tell my star player to take the 3 pointer (we're going for the win) and then I put you REBOUND GUY in the game in case he misses. I think what's important here is that as coach I do not really want the REBOUND GUY in the game, I'd rather my star athlete make the shot. However, in case he doesn't we do expect you, as the rebounder to do your job.

When Shit Changes
Now in most cases the the star player usually doesn't miss (that's why you made him your star), but if he does miss, the rebound guy usually doesn't even get the rebound, it just goes out of bounds or the other team gets it. We just end up going into over time and we bring the starters back in. No big deal. However, in those rare instances when the REBOUND guy/girl happens to get the rebound and get a put back and we get the win, the rebound guy starts getting ahead of himself. THIS IS NOT OKAY! The rebound guy must always remember that one highlight in the game does not compare to the countless wins that the star player already brought in. What's even more important is that as the rebound guy/girl you realize that when writing up the play, we as coaches rather the star player make the shot, your rebound and put back is something that we just say if ALL ELSE FAILS.

Helpful Hints:
Now, I have personally had lot's of fun with the rebound guy especially when starters are on injured reserved, or suspended for bad behavior, so do not get me wrong, I love rebound guys. My problem is when the rebound guy makes a big play and starts wanting the same treatment as Kobe but putting up Luke Walton numbers. The transition can be made from a rebounder to a starter, but a lot of work has to be done and it is a very fine line so be careful:

1. Do not expect anything as the rebounder.
This means everything from replied back text messages to hit ups when coach is in the area. Just always be grateful when it happens but never expect.

2. Always be ready for fun.
When the coach has to go deep in the bench to put you in, he's usually looking for a spark to get the energy up. The way to stay in the game is to always provide that spark. Same thing here. Always be fun and keep your problems to a minimum until you are fully in the rotation and the coach actually cares about your concerns.

3. Pick Up A Few Extra Talents
Yes as the coach I know that I could put you in for a rebound, however work on that perimeter shot as well, that way you can come in not only for your fantastic rebounding abilities, but by knocking down a few shots while you're in will keep you in. Same for boys... do more than the what's expected. Change it up, you know we get tired of the usual.


I hope this helps all rebound guy/girls and future rebound guy/girls as the try to climb the ladder of love.

always&forever

To Text or Not To Text?

Recently, I met a guy that was cooler than cool. I was anxiously waiting for his text or call and then I started thinking whether or not I should be the first to send a message. After doing some investigative research my advice for girls is to WAIT! If he really likes you he will remember you and he will definitely hit you up. Here is a list of other things to do in the meantime while you are anxiously waiting for your Prince Charming to text.

1. Tell each and everyone one of your friends separately the story of how you guys met and what you thought of him. It's like you get to live it all over again, over and over and over and no one friend complains that you are talking about him too much!

2. Do a little research. Sometimes girls (and when I say girls I mean myself) tend to romanticize guys and put them on an unrealistic pedal-stool. If you know some common friends go to his facebook page, see what he's tweeting about. Some people will call this fb stalking but I think its the perfect way see if his interpretation of "keeping it 100" actually means keeping it one zero.

3. You know that line from Biggies song, "what's your age what's your sign"? Yes! See if you guys are astrologically compatible. I am very big on signs and whenever I meet a new guy I find a way to figure out his sign. And I have friends who never thought of using signs as a well to gage people and now they are just as into the whole astrology thing as me.

4. After reading article after article, (believe me there are a bunch of articles) he should finally have texted you. When he does finally break the ice and text you on a few different occasions it's fair game for who texts who text. I mean don't go full throttle after that but one of my guy friends expressed that he and a girl stopped talking and hanging out because she never hit him up first. He liked her and thought of her a lot, but he wanted her to give a little and show some interest too!

Okay ladies, hold tight on the first few text messages, but after that its fair game. And in the meantime of waiting for that first text you have lots of research to do!

always&forever